Awesome Quotes and Sayings About Alcohol
Quotations & Citations:
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
~Charles Bukowski, Women
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.
~F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.
~Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
One sip of this
Will bathe the drooping spirits in delight
Beyond the bliss of dreams.
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
~David Sedaris, Naked
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”
Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.
~G.K. Chesterton, Heretics
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
I’m not drunk, just a little stoned.
I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.
~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!
Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker.
~Ogden Nash, Reflection on Ice-Breaking
I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
~Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain —
Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.
~Edgar Allan Poe
Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.
I think I need a drink.’
‘Almost everybody does only they don’t know it.
~Charles Bukowski, Women
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.
Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel’s nipples.
Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven’t touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.
~Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you.
~Jay M. Bylsma
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
It is the wine that leads me on,
the wild wine
that sets the wisest man to sing
at the top of his lungs,
laugh like a fool – it drives the
man to dancing… it even
tempts him to blurt out stories
better never told.
~Homer, The Odyssey
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed. So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there, but for the moment it didn’t have you by the throat.
They’re professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don’t forget that the Russians – any Russian – can drink you under the table.
~Anthony Bourdain, A Cook’s Tour: Global Adventures in Extreme Cuisines
Where ever I go, there I am. Drunk.
~Rita E. Torres
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.
Why don’t you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?
It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?
Jon:’What are you doing up there? Why aren’t you at the feast?’
Tyrion: ‘Too hot, too noisy, and I’d drunk too much wine’, the dwarf told him. ‘I learned long ago that it is considered rude to vomit on your brother.”
~George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
I am not your victim because you are not a predator any more than a bottle of scotch stalks an alcoholic.
~Sue William Silverman, Love Sick: One Woman’s Journey through Sexual Addiction
I’d prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
I once heard someone say that the concept of moderation seems a little extreme, and tonight…I agree.
~Koren Zailckas, Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood
There was a tacit understanding between them that ‘liquor helped’; growing more miserable with every glass one hoped for the moment of relief.
~Graham Greene, The Heart of the Matter
When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.
~C.S. Forester, The African Queen
Research consistently shows that the risks to health outweigh the benefits of drinking alcohol. My argument is that the benefits to my mental health justify the risks.
~Graeme Simsion, The Rosie Project
But in college, we can wear our alcohol abuse as proudly as our university sweatshirts; the two concepts are virtually synonymous.
~Koren Zailckas, Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood
Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.
~Criss Jami, Killosophy
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.
She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!
~Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise
“How is it that everyone on this train has so much alcohol?”
“We always head to Canada at the beginning of the season,” she says taking her seat again. “Their laws are much more civilized. Cheers.”
~Sara Gruen, Water for Elephants
Take a drink because you pity yourself, and then the drink pities you and has a drink, and then two good drinks get together and that calls for drinks all around.
~H. Beam Piper, Little Fuzzy
I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?
Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.
~Robert A. Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress
There was nothing glorious about the life of a drinker or the life of a writer.
~Charles Bukowski, Hot Water Music
I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more.
That’s what was wrong with drinking too much. You became immune to drunken delights. There was no solace in liquor. Before you got happy, you collapsed.
~Richard Matheson, I Am Legend and Other Stories
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.
Love is alcohol.
Meanwhile the 3 a.m. drunks of the world would lay in their beds, trying in vain to sleep, and deserving that rest, if they could find it.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
~William Butler Yeats
The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.
The one conclusion I have reached is that whiskey is a great leveler. You might be a hotshot advertising executive or a lowly foundry worker, but if you cannot hold your drink, you are just a drunkard.
~Vikas Swarup, Q & A
Cheap booze is a false economy.
~Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir
I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade — and then try to find someone whose life is giving them vodka, and have a party.
She had not character enough to take to drinking, and moaned about, slip-shod and in curl-papers, all day.
~William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy, I’ve done it a thousand times.
I live on shameless flattery…and vodka…but the two usually go hand in hand.
I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a bottle of booze isn’t entirely clear to me.
~Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I’ve ever written, and it still sucks
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
To a drinker the sensation is real and pure and akin to something spiritual: you seek; in the bottle, you find.
~Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story
Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.
~Big Bang Theory (Sheldon Cooper)
Civilization begins with distillation
We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.
This isn’t champagne anymore. We went through the champagne a long time ago. This is serious stuff. The days of champagne are long gone.
~Sam Shepard, True West
I feel like today should be a perfect Meatball day… Let’s just get wastey-pants!
~Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
I think that it is a great tragedy that a child can lose their mother, father, sister or brother, because you and I made a decision that getting loaded was more important than they are.
~Pamela Barrett, Tales of the Titmouse
It is sad that people need alcohol to make them happy.
Courage is a vitamin best swallowed with whiskey.
~Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
I envy people who drink—at least they know what to blame everything on.
I’ve created a new drink! I’m calling it the Piñata Colada! Its sweet and tasty, but when you wake up the next morning your head feels like its been hitten with a stick.
~José N. Harris
With the money I spend on alcohol, I could support a family of four, assuming they are all heavy drinkers.
~Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
The devil lives in a double-shot”, Roman explains himself obscurely. “I got a great worm inside. Gnaws and gnaws. Every day I drown him and every day he gnaws. Help me drown the worm, fellas.
~Nelson Algren, The Neon Wilderness
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook
So what are you planning to do with the rest of your life?
Develop a drinking problem. More Scotch, please.
~Daniel Silva, The Marching Season
Alcohol, I had learned, was an eloquent if somewhat inaccurate interpreter. I had placed my trust that December night in glass after glass of it, eager not for drink but for a bit of talk.
~Monique Truong, The Book of Salt
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
There are worse ways to die than warm and drunk.
~George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings
I like liquor — its taste and its effects — and that is just the reason why I never drink it.
For me to enjoy a salad, I need the right dressing. Vodka is salad dressing, right?
~Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax
The best thing is the combined effect of nicotine with alcohol, greater than the sum of the two parts.
~Sebastian Faulks, Engleby
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.
Sam took another sip of the pruno. It went down smoother this time, possibly because he no longer had feeling in his extremities.
~Tod Goldberg, Burn Notice: The Reformed
Don’t trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover.
The medicine is in the eye of the beholder and right now you be-holding a big ass glass of it. So, shut up and drink your whiskey.
~Joe Buckler, Later That Night
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.